COLD HANDS
It happened on a Tuesday night, it was raining, and his family was waiting for him to come home so they could watch Glee. At sixteen my friend, Eric, was sexually assaulted in the forest behind his house, an experience that he has bravely been very open about through his art. He allowed me to take him back to that forest so that I could photograph him, and he shared his story with me.
Eric befriended his abuser several months before the incident, when he found him at school getting bullied by another student and stepped in. About four months later Eric and the bully were on a class trip together sharing a room, he took this opportunity to speak up about what he saw that day. The bully responded by warning Eric about his new friend, saying he was bad news and that Eric should stay away from him. Eric brushed this off, but it would come to be true two months later.
"He really wanted to come over, he was calling me and asking to hang out. Inviting people over to my house is a really big deal for me, like if you’re invited to my house that’s because I trust you, so I felt very uncomfortable with that. I just never liked the way he acted towards me." The boy kept insisting, and eventually showed up at Eric's house. They and two other friends went into the forest where Eric was then assaulted. "I remember after that happening feeling very violated... A little while went by before I said anything."
"He really wanted to come over, he was calling me and asking to hang out. Inviting people over to my house is a really big deal for me, like if you’re invited to my house that’s because I trust you, so I felt very uncomfortable with that. I just never liked the way he acted towards me." The boy kept insisting, and eventually showed up at Eric's house. They and two other friends went into the forest where Eric was then assaulted. "I remember after that happening feeling very violated... A little while went by before I said anything."
When he came forward to his family and high school principal, there was only three weeks left of the school year. Eric ended that year unsure if his absuer would be expelled. At the end of August it was still unsure and that’s when he decided to move to Italy for the new school year. In the middle of October his mom called him and told him it was safe to come home, but he was reluctant.
Eric was honest about his emotional decline after the incident, particularly after he reported the incident to the police, “It set off my depression for sure.” Right before his case went to trial the abuser pleaded guilty, Eric still doesn't know why he decided to do that. "But before he pleaded guilty there wasn’t a conclusion in sight, and I told my mom that I just wanted to end [my life], there was just no point. She was totally calm. Tense, but she didn't freak out. She just wanted to know why I thought that was the solution, and I couldn’t think of a reason. That’s when she came out to me about her assault story."
"I feel like [the incident] also made me a little bit scared of intimacy, like any sort of chance I had at a relationship I was just kind of scared because I always had this fear of assaulting them, or going too far. What I've learned is that just because I'm a victim of assault doesn’t make me invincible to the problem."
Eric was honest about his emotional decline after the incident, particularly after he reported the incident to the police, “It set off my depression for sure.” Right before his case went to trial the abuser pleaded guilty, Eric still doesn't know why he decided to do that. "But before he pleaded guilty there wasn’t a conclusion in sight, and I told my mom that I just wanted to end [my life], there was just no point. She was totally calm. Tense, but she didn't freak out. She just wanted to know why I thought that was the solution, and I couldn’t think of a reason. That’s when she came out to me about her assault story."
"I feel like [the incident] also made me a little bit scared of intimacy, like any sort of chance I had at a relationship I was just kind of scared because I always had this fear of assaulting them, or going too far. What I've learned is that just because I'm a victim of assault doesn’t make me invincible to the problem."
In grade twelve Eric was part of a creative writing class where one of the exercises was to write for five minutes straight. Eric ended up writing about his court hearing and at the end of the year he had a short story about his experience in the forest, which he used to apply to film school. By his fourth year of university Eric had a short film script, Cold Hands. “I was just crying and crying because I was like I think this is it. Because at that point it was the accumulation of four or five years of writing, and I guess it just felt like a relief. Almost like something that’s on your chest, and you’re [putting it away]." Eric went on to say that he has continued to feel that way with every new step the film has taken, from festival screenings to online distribution, "The other day I told my mom I think this is the end.”
The dedication on his film reads: For my mother. Thank you for helping me choose life.
The dedication on his film reads: For my mother. Thank you for helping me choose life.